GENETICS 101 FOR "DUMMIES"

There was an write up in yesterday's Straits Times regarding commercial gene testing. It seems that private gene testing with overseas test labs without going through doctors are on the rise.

The papers also mentioned this businessman who had tested his two children and they tested positive for the gene that governs "addiction to TV and Computer Gaming".

????

I am not saying that it is impossible that such genes exist and are identifiable in today's society. I am definitely not going to gainsay the experts with only A-level knowledge of genetics. I was rather impressed, in fact, to know that genes actually move with the times and are able to mutate so specifically to be relevant to technology development. It also made me wonder what this gene used to express before TVs and computers were invented. I am also extremely impressed that this gene mutation managed to occur in such a widespread manner - probably in 99.99% of the children and teenagers in developed countries. X-men could learn something valuable from this.

It also moved me to wonder just what sort of interesting results SB and I would get if we went and tested ourselves. I think I can predict a few offhand:

Gene for "addiction to the LAST MINUTE" - I am convinced that both SB and myself will test positive for this gene. Our procrastination techniques are out of this world. However, it did boggle me at first how we came by this gene, since both our parents are of the "on the ball" type - today's chores must be done today. Then my A-level biology knowledge saved the day. This is a recessive gene. Our parents were both carriers of this genetic defect, only one copy of the mutated gene in their DNA, so the gene was not expressed. But SB and I received both copies, so hey! It is NOT our fault that we like to procrastinate! Genetics at work! Blame yourselves!

Gene for "Bullshitting" - This is so obvious - SB has already gone to Japan to try and bullshit her way to a PhD. She has already shown success before with her MA. As for me, well, let's just say I have had my bullshitting talents proven too, but it will not be too political for me to state how on this blog.

Gene for "Shrill Voices" - This is a gene that resides only on the X-chromosomes, and is a recessive gene, so only the females in the family will show the symptoms. Proven, Grandma, Mum and all her sisters all exhibit the signs. Oh, and this gene typically only gets activated and expresses itself past the age of 50. However, in SB, it appears that gene is already in action. SB is a reasonably capable soprano in an established choir. But forget about all the bullshit about having singing talent etc etc. It is obvious the "Shrill Voices" gene is at work.

Really, those experts may really be on to something phenomenal. I think I'm going to save up and get myself tested. Who knows what other strange genes may lurk in my psyche, and just waiting for a chance to express itself?