SIGNS OF LIFE

Finally….some signs of life….

I haven’t felt much like blogging recently. Oh, things do still pass through my head. I come across something interesting and I still think “Wow, I want to write about that.” My life is still moving on, but I get this incredible resistance when I think about sitting down in front of the computer, much less switch it on and blog about it.

In actual fact, I have rarely switched on my computer these few weeks. I got extremely grumpy the other day when I was forced to switch on my PC to check on some online application status for my mother. I have not updated some personal logs for weeks, and goodness only knows what is going on in Facebook and the various blogs I have been following, because I have not been updating.

I get these moods sometimes, where I simply feel like being out of touch with the world. During these periods, I am anti-communication technology. I hate to come into contact with computers, mobile phones etc, anything which has the ability to connect me to the world at large. Even the ringing of the house landline irritates the hell out of me. Basically, I check my emails and answer calls and reply SMSes about once in a blue moon during this time. It would have proven most inconvenient, if I hadn’t lost quite a few of my friends and acquaintances the last time the mood struck, so there are less people who I need to communicate with these days. Haha. In fact, most people around me are now aware of this quirk of mine and take it in their stride (with a few swear words) if they can’t get me.

I swear….it is almost exhilarating to go on a communication sabbatical once a while.

These moods normally coincide with my feeling extremely down. The typical “I don’t want to talk” moods that husbands sometimes subject wives to (haha), but this is between me and the whole world. So I mope around and brood, generally feeling unhappy. Been reading a lot to take my mind of things, but like all forms of escape, it works up to a point, and then we have got to sit up and face the world.

My unhappiness, of course, revolves mainly around the “work doldrums” that I have been in for close to year. A year! Have I really been down in the dumps for that long? When one gets to a certain age, the old adage no longer applies. Time passes quickly no matter if one is happy or not. And it doesn’t even feel like the unhappy times will be over all the quicker. It just feels like no matter how fast I run, it is still raining in front, and I will still get wet. So I will only get older faster…while feeling bad.

I have had so many discussions with myself, family, friends, colleagues on the whole “work doldrums” thing, trying to see what kind of changes I should and most importantly, can make to make myself feel better. The thought of feeling like this for the next forty years of my life, just horrifies me. I just cannot bear to think of it….hence all the escapism…but….I also cannot continue like this, so I must face the music and make a decision.

Nice thought.

But, I draw a blank.

Because I am a poor, greedy, lazy, cowardly and untalented peep, that’s why. I don’t like what I’m doing now, but at the same time, NO other options are acceptable because they all either require capital, special skills, risk taking, or all three, or will give me less money than I get now. I basically want to have my cake and to eat it too.

Heck, even a prostitute or rich man’s mistress has to have some face and figure and some schmooze ability. Oh yes, that option did come up.

I think I had the right of it in my profile description. I want all the time (and money) in the world to do nothing.

Oh, the truth hurts.

So after all the soul searching, there is still no conclusion.

And so I continue status quo. And hope and pray that any one or all of these happen in the near future:

1. Mum strikes lottery
2. Money drops from the sky
3. I meet a rich man who will take care of me and mine for the rest of my life
4. SB meets a rich man who will take care of her and hers (which means including me) for the rest of her (and my) life.

We all know the odds of the above happening.

But, darn it, a girl’s got to do something when she can’t do anything.