GOODBYE CHILDREN

Okay, so I have to have surgery. The ovarian cyst needs removing. Goodbye, my unfated children.

They had to take a bit of blood to check for cancer markers. I hate giving blood or inserting IVs, because it almost always means they have to poke me a few times before they get a working vein. And those needles aren't exactly small. Anyway, if I don't hear from them in the next seven days, I get out of jail free. If I do - too bad. Feels a bit like playing Russian roulette.

Why then am I still feeling so....so....cheerful?

Perhaps it is the thought that I'll finally get some flowers delivered to me. I always wanted to have someone send me flowers, but I guess this is a bit over the top to achieve this. Haha.

Mum went with me to the gynae today, and I thought she was going to burst into tears any minute. She probably sighed about fifty times in the course of the whole day. I am so sorry that she has to go through all this, made worse by the fact that I personally don't feel anything. She says she is not sure could take any more bad news, so for her sake more than mine, I am praying that the blood test is clean, and I don't have cancer.

We are not by nature one of those huggy, kissy families. My parents show concern by nagging. What to eat, not to eat, when to eat, what to do, etc etc. I don't blame them, I really don't. But this is also the period when I need the most me-time. So I have been driven clean out of my mind this one month.

Anyway, I learnt today that I have got a bicornuate uterus, which is pretty uncommon, it seems. And not so good. Apparently, because of this, I am prone to miscarriages. Wow. So I guess it is a good thing that I don't want children. It would have been heartbreaking for me otherwise.

And also I am likely to be subject to earlier menopause after removal of the ovary. Oh man, that was so not what I wanted to hear. Other than that, one ovary short won't leave me any different from what I am now.

So yeah, I am up for anything they throw at me. Though I probably will change my tune soon, because if there is anything I dread more than needles, it is the thought of bedpans.

Ewww.....