CHOOSING FEMININITY

An anecdote from work today: One of the young lady engineers came back from site with a request from the site project manager for a personnel change – to a male engineer. His reason, as he told the young lady – “Because I can’t yell at you.”

I remember times from my own rookie days, when I encountered old salt type contractors and project managers and even clients, who had to almost physically restrain themselves from yelling at me when things went awry. I was quite sure then that if I had been male, I would have gotten it with both barrels blasting.

The thing is, these guys are neither misogynists nor chauvinists in any way. They don’t dislike us or think we will not be able to perform just because we are female. They are just that rare old breed of men who do not think it is gentlemanly to indulge in certain behaviour towards a lady. I have managers, who even now, will apologise formally before or after swearing a blue streak in front of me because “there is a lady present”, to quote their own words.

I am always put in a dilemma when faced with these guys. On one hand, I am happy to take advantage of the special treatment. No one likes to be yelled at under any circumstances. On the other, I feel like I have broken some unwritten rule of the Feminist Code. I feel like I should step up and ask to be yelled at, if only to balance things.

When all’s said and done, I have to admit that I like the preferential treatment. It tells me that I am a lady, and I shouldn’t forget femininity in the pursuit of feminism.

We can have our cake and eat it.