WHINE, WHINE, WORK, WHINE, WORK....

I am tired of writing all these long, repetitive, whiny posts regarding my work issues. But real people will just listen to me so many times before they get sick it, so I can only keep whining here.


I received my confirmed transfer orders this morning. That’s another move for me in just over one year. And to a supervisor that I have no respect nor liking for, and have absolutely no chemistry with.

I really don’t know which is worse, working with incompetent subordinates whom I totally have no chemistry with, or with bosses whom I dislike. Either way, I am miserable.

The worst of it is that I remain in the same office with people whom I can and want to work with, and I see them going places, and being happy in the process and I am so jealous. I am going places too, in fact, I feel forcibly dragged to these places. The only difference being that I am so miserable in the process that I wonder if the place I get to eventually is worth all this unhappiness. The comparison between me and them is like salt to injury and sometimes I almost hate these people instead. I wonder if I would have been able to adapt to my new situations better if I did not have my ‘glorious’ past in my face all the time.

If I had known what was coming, would I still have accepted all those promotions years and years ago? I am apparently too senior to keep under-utilised which management think is the case if they did not move me. The thing is, I am also struggling with two very different beings inside me. One is ambitious enough not to want to give up the opportunities to greatness. The other is a complacent fellow who just wants to be comfortable in routine. So even if management really had been inclined to cold-storage me, I cannot say I will be totally happy about it.

I was actually asked if this move was an arrangement was something I could live with. I guess the top bosses were being democratic and I suppose they did not want someone unwilling in what may prove a key area of development for the company. The thing is, this change is not totally unwelcome. The scope of work is very interesting and offer lots of opportunities. It is just the fact that I have to work under someone whom I totally dislike that is throwing me off. And yet when the top bosses ask for my reservations, this is the one reservation that I absolutely cannot voice. And it is not as if I had been offered any better alternatives anyway.

Because this will be an important area of development, and because there is no one else who will be driving it full time, I now feel obligated to justify the trust that has been shown in me, and this kind of puts paid to my intention to just up and leave if things don’t turn out well by the middle of the year. I feel like one of those guys who got their girlfriends pregnant, and being made to take responsibility. I could probably just leave anyway, if I didn’t mind everyone thinking me a jerk.

Everyone just tells me to take it one day at a time. I have told myself the same. But doing that for a person like me is like asking me to walk the tightrope to nowhere and taking away the security net in the process. I don’t know where I am going, when I am going to fall, and where I may hurt myself.

There is, as usual, no answer.