AN EXPENSIVE LESSON

I had a call 10 minutes ago which almost gave me a heart attack. It was from my brokerage, informing me that I had done a “naked” short sell…..which is illegal in Singapore, and subject to a minimum penalty of $1000.


It turned out that I was careless. The stocks to be liquated were held in my CPF investment account. I forgot about the fact and sold it off without ticking the box which says “CPF”, making it a cash sell inadvertently.

Thankfully, it has all been resolved, although it cost me about $150 after all the transaction costs have been factored in and by the fact that I had to resell those CPF stocks at a slightly lower market price etc. I still ended up reasonably in the black overall, but that was $150 which did not have to be spent in the first place! My heart aches.
My heart is still palpitating from the close call, and you can be sure I am NEVER, EVER, going to do my stock market transactions in a hurry from here out.
I have no idea how those intra-day traders handle the stress, but I guess this means I’m not cut out for that kind of work. Anyway, I am going to go make myself some tea and calm myself down. There is no way I can make myself work for the next half an hour…..

OPT

The financial world has coined the term OPM for the use of Other People’s Money as a form capital-less investing strategy.

Personally, I am more interested in the OPT scenario.

That is, Other People’s Time.

Now and then, I feel the urge to vent about OPT. I am fiercely protective of my time. It is one of the few things in life that I value more than money. In fact, the goal of having enough money is just a means to an end, the end being able to spend my time the way I want to.

And there-in lies the crux of the problem.

I have something against people who try to multitask (unsuccessfully) and end up spreading themselves too thin. For most part, I think it is due to a modern society ill, that of the need for instant gratification, the "I want it and I want it now" syndrome.

Kudos to the person who is able to juggle all their commitments successfully, without leveraging on OPT. But how about the ten others who invariably affect others with their time overreach?

Because it ends up affecting me via the following OPT ways:

1) Waiting for perpetual late-comer because of close appointments. Even I am occasionally late (thanks, Singapore traffic), but every time? And at least 30 mins each time?

2) Group events end up being individual events, because everyone realises too late that it is not possible to do 10 things in the time available for 5 things, so the other 5 things get shafted last minute.

3) Having to always adjust my schedule to suit others for committed activities. I remember joining a group boxing class with some friend, and quite a number of classes had to be re-arranged because some of the girls decided they rather go diving, mountain climbing and what not, even though those other plans had been made after we started our boxing classes.

4) Events turn into juggling parade. Ever been to a dinner, where everyone else is on the phone? I have. Refer to my vent on the smart-phone phenomenon. What am I, invisible? Maybe I should just whip out a PC and just work too?

5) End up being the one doing all the work for a joint effort, because everyone is too busy. So I am the slacker? Just because I consciously make a point of not over-committing myself to other activities in order to make time for this one, I am suddenly the sop who should do everything because I have no life.

6) Endure snipes about how I have no life, just because I have no wish to become someone who leverages on OPT. Worse, after that, having to listen to how stressed people are with their busy lives, when about half the activities in their lives could probably be curtailed with no apparent impact. Then again, who am I to say? I am just the girl who has no life.

Sometime ago, someone asked me if I was interested in playing for an alumni band which was having a performance soon. I was frankly interested to get back into playing, but I have had a lot of past OPT experiences when it comes to amateur setups like this. The majority of the players will invariably be:

1) Working stiffs who insist on keeping the same activity in their social lives even with this additional commitment.

2) Players who are simultaneously involved in several different groups, whose practice schedules will, guess what, fall in the same period.

3) Technically excellent players who think that they are entitled to miss practices because their levels of expertise are so much above the rest, and they should not waste their time.

I refuse to set myself up for practices where only three people turn up (and if we are lucky, one of them might just be the conductor). That’s my time, folks. So I didn’t join them.

Despite the frequent urge to vent about OPT, I seldom do so publicly. The OPT phenomenon appears acceptable to most people, because it allows them to use their time the way they want to. The end justifies the means, so sucks to you if you don’t join the game.

Anyway, the recognition that I don’t want OPT in my life has resulted in quite a bit of change to my life, namely, my social life has decreased immensely. I seldom go for group activities anymore, unless I have decided the level of OPT for the people and the activities involved will be at an acceptable level.

Sometimes I ask myself whether this insistence is worth it. I really lose out quite a bit in terms of the stuff I am able to participate in and accomplish by scheduling with so much buffer. The upside is that I seldom have to live with the anxiety of an over-committed life and the guilt that someone wasted their time because of me.

I guess I just answered my own question.

A WORK ETHIC ISSUE

There is a newbie in the department upstairs, who is a scholar with the company. Which was kind of unusual as scholars were usually rotated around the production departments in their first two years to give them an idea of site work.

Turns out that Mummy called and requested for Junior to be given an office job, site work being too dangerous for her peace of mind.

This guy accepted a scholarship with an internationally known company in the heavy industry, for Christ’s sake. What did he and Mummy expect? Kid gloves and red carpet?

As a rookie engineer, I used to be sent out to site once every so often, even though my job was mainly office based. Even today, I am expected to man up and board a ship if my bosses needed me to.

So what, he thinks he should be privileged enough to get to choose to enjoy the same perks while other people risk their lives to support those very perks? In a way, he had even more of an obligation than normal employees did, since he had taken sponsorship from the company to finance his studies.

Some years ago, I was sent on an inspection trip to Timor Leste. It was supposed to be handled by another engineer, but her mother objected on grounds of potential danger, so I was sent instead. Naturally, there was no protest from this engineer or her mother when the next destination turned out to be Norway.

What, my mother doesn’t worry? Someone else gets all the shit while she enjoys the grand tour?

My mum confided some years back that she worried like any mother did when I was involved in any physical or offshore work. But it was my job; I was being paid to do it. There was no ethical reason for me to reject the task. So, she kept quiet and supported me as best as she could.

We are all someone’s children. If we all rejected the given tasks on the pure basis that it involved some potential danger, who would do the job? Where would our handsome bonuses come from?

If the risks are so unacceptable, then don’t work in this industry. Or, if you turn down the dirty work, go to the back of the queue when a silver bullet assignment turns up.

Back to this scholar guy. If I had been the HR department, I would demand the scholarship money back with interest, and kick this guy out. However, I don’t think he gets much respect from his peers and other people in his department anyway. I certainly don’t go out of my way to accommodate him.

It will be interesting to see how long he lasts in cold storage.

SECURITY…OR PARANOIA?

I am flying to Tasmania this evening for a two-day business trip.

Packing was a little stressful as usual, since I was requested to pack light as my traveling companion did not want to check our luggage and waste time at the carousel later since we had to be at a meeting directly after landing. But then he is a man and packing light comes easy for him.

Anyway, we were told to empty our laptops/netbooks of all personal content for the trip. The story going around is that someone got caught at the Australian airport security with nude photos of himself or something not very nice on his laptop computer. I don’t know what happened to him later, but it appeared to be nothing nice.

I was kind of horrified, not so much because I have anything incriminating on my netbook, but because it occurred to me that in order to discover the nasty stuff on the PCs, the Australian airport security would actually have switch on and check all the laptops being brought on board. What kind of time is that going to take? What kind of paranoid security is that?

I would actually understand if they were checking for some advanced software which would, I don’t know, activate something and take down buildings somewhere. But personal stuff?

Even if I happen to have an entire porn website downloaded on my netbook, what business is it of the Australian authorities? My netbook is, after all, mine. What did they think would happen, that I would connect my netbook up to some broadcasting facility and manage to corrupt a whole city of Australians with pictures and videos of naked people?

Someone kindly explain the whole logic to me.

My incredulous reaction sparked a discussion of airport security in various places. My travelling companion is a Filipino, and he has plenty of stories to tell. Anyway, I had already come to the conclusion that the US of A is no-man’s land for the next decade unless the company decides to send me there for any reason. At least I would not have to pay from my own pockets to be deported at the airport because some immigration officer did not like my accent. Australia may have to be added to my list if trends show that their airport security is going to rival the States in terms of discrimination and paranoia, which my colleagues have assured me to be the case.

Anyway, I am packed, and my netbook is clean. We will see if I come back this weekend with any further stories to tell.

YES, I AM BILINGUAL……?

I am involved in a project at work for a Chinese client.

Recently, news came filtering down from the top that the clients had requested for the project presentation to be done in Chinese during their upcoming visit. It is still not known if all other subsequent project documents such as the technical specifications will need to be translated to Chinese; or if all subsequent correspondences would be in Chinese should the project be awarded.

The presentation is normally done by the senior managers in the company. But this time, it would have to be delegated to more junior staff of my level, because the senior people either couldn’t speak Mandarin (for those who are Chinese) or were not of Chinese descent.

All the people identified for the presentation, and any subsequent documentation work to be done in Chinese, are so far PRCs.

I am not so sure how I feel about this so far. Up till this moment, I am the only junior manager heavily involved in this project. The technical specifications in English are all prepared by me. I am a Singaporean Chinese, with a bilingual background, and I have shown on several occasions that I am reasonably fluent in spoken Mandarin at least. I have to ask why top management had not even considered me for these Chinese jobs.

Of course, I have to admit that even though my spoken and written Chinese could be considered of above average levels among Singaporeans, there is still a rather large gap in standards between my PRC colleagues and myself. I am honest enough to acknowledge that I would have huge problems if all the Chinese work had been dumped on me, especially having to research all the technical jargon in Chinese.

What bothers me though, is that top management had simply assumed that Singaporean Chinese like myself are unqualified to undertake this job, without giving us a chance to prove or disprove our Chinese/Mandarin competency. It goes to show the confidence that we Singaporeans have in our own bilingual education. It boggles the mind how society expects us to perform in China then, if we cannot even be expected to do so on our own home-ground.

And then I read about the intention to reduce the mother-tongue weightage in local exams. No comments.

For myself, I am now trying to decide if I should offer to take up part of the preparation work for the upcoming presentation and subsequent documentation. It will be a big challenge, and adding much to my increasing workload. But I think it needs to be done, if only to prove a point.

A QUICK RANT ABOUT THE ROMANIAN ACCIDENT SITUATION

Note: This was written two weeks back. Things have apparently been moving, although I am wondering how much of it is only for show on the Romanian side. At any rate, I decided to publish my feelings at that point in time.


There are several things in the papers recently that make me rather indignant for various reasons. One is the whole situation regarding that Romanian Silviu Ionescu. There are a lot of epithets I want to attach before his name, but I shall refrain in the name of civilisation, something which seems to be quite unknown to him anyway.

Then there is the reaction of the Romanian government and media. One would have thought that I should have gotten used to all the slights and indignations Singapore had been made to bear all these years by virtue of our small size, small market, and political insignificance in the international arena etc. This Romanian situation is but another one in a long list. But such things are not easy to swallow. It is fortunate that I do not run the foreign ministry, because my knee jerk reaction would have been to cut off all diplomatic relations pronto. It is not like there is anything to lose on our part anyway.

But perhaps there is no need to do anything to avenge ourselves. Romania seems to be struggling within image issues already anyway, as evinced here. Good luck down the slippery slope. As for Mr Ionescu, there is no immunity to karma. Good luck too.

SECOND BEST

Last Sunday, there was a column in the paper about people playing with their phones when they are supposed to be having a face to face conversation with someone.

I can’t tell how many times I have been subjected to this. Some people ask me out for a meal, and spend the whole time SMSing, chatting on the phone with other people, and doing all sorts of what-not, while I have to sit there like a dummy. Or worse, doing those things when I am talking. I knew I lost weight, but I never thought I had become invisible in the process. With the proliferation of smart phones, it gets even worse.

I don’t know what this people are thinking when they do this. But I know what I am thinking. I am thinking that I don’t like being just one of the tasks on the multi-task list. I resent being number two, three or four on the priority list when I have made somebody the top priority for that duration. I don’t play second fiddle to anyone, let alone an inanimate object. If you have got better things to do, then tell me, because, you know, so have I.

It is as bad as being out with a guy who never takes his eyes off other pretty girls the whole time he is with you. So tell me, will I be just as justified in throwing my glass of water in your face?

QUITTER BID REJECTED

My bid for quitting the MSc course has been rejected by my HR manager. I'm basically back to the 'do or die' situation. Darn it, I can't even be a quitter with a clear conscience.

Anyway, I have emailed the University for an extension using workloads, health, whatever I can think of for an excuse. And if they agree, I need to wade through unfinished assignments and a dissertation in this whole coming year. And the question foremost in my mind: If I couldn't do it all these years past, what makes them think I could do it now?

This is so not going to be a fun year.

GIVING UP

I made one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make in my whole life till now and have officially informed my manager that I will not be completing my company sponsored MSc course. I see the company HR manager next week to discuss further options, and most probably, compensation to the company.

The various managers had been on my back for the last few years regarding this. Yes, it has taken me a few years to not complete the course. The arguments for continuing are quite obvious, I have finished all the coursework modules, and only owe a few assignments and an 80,000 word dissertation. It should have been relatively easy to bulldoze through it and just pass and get the certification. Certainly, it would save me a fortune in paying back the sponsorship, considering that I have more than served my bond already. Dropping the MSc would also lower my standing in the eyes of the management and disappoint the managers who had nominated me in the first place. And I lose a chance at the Masters degree, which, in today’s society, is becoming more of a necessity than a luxury.

One of the main factors which actually prevented me from giving up even earlier was pride and an innate competitive nature. Several colleagues have graduated with their degrees. Several more are going to. It strikes hard at my ego to end up less paper qualified than my peers, and for a while this kept me trying, but ultimately, it was not enough.

I don’t think I will change my mind. Because I know I won’t finish the course no matter what.

I don’t like to think of myself as a quitter. I never have. But it seems that I have to take my head out of the sand, and admit that this time, I get the “Quitter of the Year” trophy.

I was not expecting this immense wrench though. I thought I would be relieved to get rid of this burden that had been riding on my back for years, and which was always popping up to spoil the perfection of any happy moments I had. I thought I had prepared myself to make whatever compensation I needed to, that I would feel the payment worthwhile to be free again. But it didn’t happen this way. It is hard to describe the sense of failure that pervades me, especially coming on the heels of all that happened at work the last few months.

It will never be something I will ever think about with pride. In fact, I suspect that wrench is always going to be there. But once I get the formalities over and done with, I will do what I do best, bury it all in the ground, and pretend it never happened. Game over…….Start new game.

TRICK OR TREAT?

Someone from AIA called me at work earlier this week to offer me an interview for a management trainee. I turned down the offer of the interview on the suspicion that it was some sort of play to get me to attend some sales push. There were just too many things about the call contents which did not add up.

This reminds of me of a column I read in the Lianhe Zaobao last Sunday. It was about this guy who was contacted by a long lost classmate on Facebook and invited to have dinner with her. So he has all these fantasies about this beautiful lady, whom he recalled as being extremely popular during school days. He goes for the dinner and finds out that she had invited several other people along, all of them other classmates from various stages of her school life. It turned out that she was involved in this multi-level marketing (MLM) scheme and was using Facebook to net these old classmates as potential customers. The dinner was just a sales pitch, and this guy and his fellow dinner mates felt obliged to buy something since she had just given them a dinner treat. Jackpot.

A similar thing happened to me some years ago. A University classmate invited some of us to a class gathering for our University class at her place. When I reached her place, I was shocked to find all sorts of strangers at our class gathering, and only two other ex-classmates. And yes, we had all been tricked into attending a MLM sales pitch. When I talked to these other strangers, I found out that they had all also been invited under various other pretexts.

A neighbour once invited my mother and several other neighbours in our block to her place for a small gathering and movie session, ostensibly for the purpose of getting to know each other better. When my mother got there, it was to find several members of this neighbour’s self group in attendance and the “movie” was actually a religious production. Enough said.

I think it is extremely sad that things have developed to a stage where it becomes difficult to give people the benefit of the doubt. If even friends can ignore the potential damage to friendships by doing such things as I have described above, then what other scruples do strangers and profit oriented companies need to have?

GRAMMAR CRINGE

Alright, I admit, I am a language snob.

But seriously, am I really expected to sit through a 30 minute speech wholly peppered with gems like this one without cringing?

"If you takes up this jobs, you will find it very rewardful."

Sure, everyone makes the odd grammatical error now and then. I personally have lost count of the number of times I had to edit my own posts for grammar mistakes.

But this?

"It is a very good products. Every peoples who has use our products like it."

This is massacre, plain and simple.

I BLAME YOU, IPHONE...

I hate the current iphone, Nexus One and what-else-have-you craze.

Because it somehow got my Dad involved.

My dad is effectively only monolingual (Chinese), has no idea exactly what the World Wide Web involves, and whose claim to computer literacy is knowing how to press the Power button on his laptop.

Despite the above handicaps, he is convinced that he has all he needs to conquer the latest in smartphones, despite all the valid points SB and I put up against what we consider a useless investment.

All because all his old foggy friends have caught onto the craze and are somehow managing to manoever their iphones. And so he needs to look cool as well.

And it so happens that he hates to call up the telcos, because of 1) the maze that is the automated answering machine, 2) the operators mostly speak English, 3) he is too lazy to do it. And it so happens he refuses to go down to the brick and mortar shop to enquire, because he has no time for queues and he is too lazy to do it. And it so happens that he has no means of finding or ordering anything online, because online is about as far away for him as outer space.

And so it happens that the processes of researching, acquiring, learning to use said phone(s) fall upon one of his daughters, SB or me.

My dad is further hampered by

1) A large ego, which prevents him from going for lessons on computer literacy
2) A lack of patience and a bad temper
3) Some laziness, which prevents him from reading the manual by himself and figuring the basic stuff out.
4) Advanced age, which affects short term memory, cognitive processes, motor skills, hearing etc etc.

All of the above which doesn't make the triple processes above easier for either of us.

In addition, I am faced with

1) My own laziness
2) My own lack of patience
3) My own techo-phobia. Which is why I am NOT buying into all the smartphone craze myself

Which makes me extremely reluctant to carry out that triple process for my Dad.

In fact, I am so reluctant that I have already issued my own ultimatum, that if he insists on getting the phone, he is to get it himself, and learn to use it himself. I am not about to waste my time and energy just so he can look cool in front of his friends. If I wanted to go through that, I would go out right now and adopt a teenager.

However, this has not stopped him from what he considers is his fatherly authority and making me look up all sorts of things regarding the phones on the internet, and a somewhat straggling sense of filial piety is making me comply, despite very ungraciously. I hate this sense of daughterly obligation that he likes to make use of.

So yes, I blame Apple, and Google and whoever who is going to come up with the next one for the loss of my peace and tranquility.

What an irony to dragged kicking and screaming into the techno age, by my old foggy father. The very thought staggers.

MAMA....IT'S ALL OVEEERRRR!!!

You know the little monster who cries and howl “It’s all oveeerrrr….” at the end of those “Just for Laughs” gag sequences? That’s exactly what I feel like doing this morning.

To be clear, I am having First-Day-Back-At-Work blues.

It should have been Monday really, but thanks to a strategically timed flu bug, my return was delayed by two days. I wish it had been H1N1. I am the only one I know who wishes to contract H1N1, dengue fever and any number of potentially deadly illnesses, just in hopes of escaping the inevitable. How despicable….how desperate.

I feel like I am committing mass perjury, as I smile at everyone and claim that it is nice to be back after all this time when in my heart of hearts, I am actually hollering “Nooooo…..”. And visit each manager’s office and assuring them that I am well (which I am) and raring to start work (which I am not). And discussing when I can get up to speed at work, all the time thinking I haven’t even gotten to the highway yet. The number of asides I have muttered to myself silently today!
And it is still a “honeymoon” period yet! I am at present occupied with the hundred and one unproductive and trivial tasks that one needs do when one has returned to work after a long absence – clearing emails, going through paper work, filing (oh, my favourite of all brainless tasks) etc. I predict this will last me until this week ends, and then I have to start doing the real work. And the fun begins, oh boy!

And so, I am now furtively typing away at blogger, keeping an eye over my shoulder (in case anyone creeps up on me and I have to do the Alt-Tab thing), trying to relieve my feelings somewhat so that I can continue with the whole pretense, without breaking down in hysterical laughter a la Fran Drescher.

SB reminds me that I need to pay for my European holiday this year somehow, so I better keep my nose to the grindstone (or at least keep up the pretense of doing so). The things we do for that occasional bout of gratification!

FREE SPEECH - REALLY "FREE"?

'Well, well, I'll try and not mention it again since you're so sensitive. You must excuse me, Anne. I've got a habit of being outspoken and folks mustn't  mind it.'

'But they can't help minding it. And I don't think it's any help that it's your habit. What would you think of a person who went about sticking pins and needles into people and saying "Excuse me, you mustn't mind it.... it's just a habit I've got" You'd think he was crazy, wouldn't you?'

(Excerpt from "Anne of Avonlea" by L.M. Montgomery)

These days, tact and diplomacy are on the way out. In fact, they have become the bywords for hypocrisy. Being in-your-face straightforward, honesty and free speech is in. And with the internet, one can become very in-your-face without physically being in anyone's face. Very convenient.

I have always had problems with individuals who profess to be outspoken and who like to "call a spade a spade". To be honest, I tend to avoid them like the plague. It is not only that they happen to be honest almost exclusively about stuff that people don't want to hear. It is also that a lot of them have the concept that free speech should literally be "free". Free of consequences, that is.

I am a firm supporter of discretion being the better part of valour. But while I personally think that some hypocrisy is necessary to keep civilisation going as we know it, I also accept that it takes all kinds to make up this society. I can respect the honest individual, as long as he accepts that there may be consequences to his honesty and deals with them in accordingly. This person is the one who says "I am only being honest but I also accept that you have a right to be angry with me."

The problem is that many of these supposedly outspoken individuals wield the honesty, anti-hypocrisy banners like some "Get out of jail free" card. These are the people who says "I am only being honest mah, why so angry?" They think the standard disclaimer of "I am very outspoken and honest one lah. So don't angry hor." entitles them to say whatever they want without being called on it. And if you do, it only shows that you are a over-sensitive, narrow minded prig who obviously have no concept of human rights and free speech. In my books, that is literally adding insult to injury.

"Time for the speeches," annouced the king (of Dictionapolis) as the plates were removed and everyone looked glum. "You first," he commanded, pointing to Milo.

"Your majesty, ladies and gentlemen," started Milo timidly, "I would like to take this opportunity to say that in all the ---"

"That's quite enough," snapped the king. "Mustn't take all day."

"But I'd just begun," objected Milo.

"NEXT!" bellowed the king.

"Roast turkey, mashed potatoes, vanilla ice cream," recited the Humbug, bouncing up and down quickly.

"What a strange speech," thought Milo, for he'd heard many in the past and knew that they were supposed to be long and dull.

"Fish and chips, raspberry jelly, chocolate pudding - p-u-d-d-i-n-g," said the Spelling Bee in his turn.

"Tomato soup, sausages, strawberry jam," shouted Officer Shrift from his chair. since he was taller sitting down than standing up.

And so down the line it went, with each guest rising briefly, making a short speech and then resuming his place. When everyone had finished, the king rose.

"Pate de foie gra, soupe a l'oignon, faisan sous cloche, salade endive, fromages et fruts et demi-tasse," he said carefully and clapped his hands again.

The waiters reappeared immediately, carrying heavy, hot trys, which they set on the table. Each one contained the exact words spoken by the various guests, and they all began eating immediately with great gusto.

"Dig in," said the king, poking Milo with his elbow and looking disapprovingly at his plate. "I can't say that I think much of your choice."

"I didn't know that I was going to have to eat my words," objected Milo.

"Of course, of course, everyone here does," the king grunted, "You should have made a tastier speech."

Milo looked around at everyone busily stuffing himself and then back at his own unappetizing plate. It certainly didn't look worth eating, and he was so very hungry.


(Excerpt from "The Phantom Tollbooth", by Norton Juster)

By the way, that is one of the consequences of practising free speech. If a little hypocrisy prevents consequences like this, I am all for it. I certainly don't like to eat my words anymore than Milo did. You can have them if you want.

WHY CAN'T I?

Some blogger whose blog I had been following just quit her job, and bought herself a ticket to Canada for a three months holiday. Several people around me have done the same, just minus the holiday.

Why, oh why, can't I just let go of the safety net, and do the same?

THE GREAT CHINESE EDUCATION DEBATE - AGAIN

The debate on Chinese language education is on, yet again.


I am not sure how many times the Ministry of Education (MOE) has revised the Chinese language syllabus and teaching methods in the last ten years. But one thing I am sure - I am damn glad I am not a Chinese language teacher.


The traditional teaching methods that have garnered so many criticisms from students and parents are precisely what is used in the teaching of many, many languages other than Chinese. In my opinion, rote memory is required to lay any kind of language foundation. I doubt I learnt my ABCs via osmosis, and SB didn't pick up Japanese just from reading manga comics. I remember those hours spent memorising my tenses - past participles, future tense and what have you.


Parents and students have criticised Chinese lessons in schools as being dry and uninteresting. Then again, I doubt other subjects such as mathematics could be conducted in a more interesting way than the languages. But there do not seem to be any complaints thus far. It seems unfair that parents encourage their children to do additonal supplementary English readings in the form of story books and such, but do not make the same effort for Chinese, even at the most basic levels. They then turn around and complain that the language is dry and uninteresting. If all I had to read were textbooks when I was studying English, I would have thrown a tantrum too.


The conclusion I have drawn so far, is that the entire debate has nothing to do with the teaching of the language. It is all about the mindsets that surround the learning of the language. The effort put into the picking up of any subject needs to be two-way; the teacher must make the effort to teach, and the student must make the effort to learn. All I seem to be seeing from the entire debate, is that parents and students want maximum returns for minimum effort (or no effort at all).


A case in point. The top PSLE student this year is a Chinese girl who could hardly speak English upon her admission to the school. In a few years, she has changed all that. Situational circumstances aside, I understand she has put in incredible effort into the learning of the language. While she has of course been rewarded for her hard work, I think many feel that it should be the case of course. The situation is now reversed in the case of the typical Singaporean English speaking student, who is poor in Chinese. I wonder how much effort has been put into the learning of the language, before the students and parents turn around and point fingers at the teaching institutes? Is the effort even a fraction of what the Chinese girl has done for her English? Are we being fair?


I don't see the point of continuing this debate and driving the poor Chinese teachers insane in the process. I have always been a pro-Choice person and here is my pro-Choice solution. Leave the syllabus and teaching to the people who are trained for them. What the MOE can do is to abolish the compulsory bilingual system for the Chinese in totality. Let the learning of Chinese be voluntary, just like, for example, a third language, or a humanity subject. In this way, those who are willing to put in the effort will reap the benefits, and might even better appreciate the opportunities and the edge it gives them. At the very least, there will be no petty threats of emigration just to avoid the bilingual policy. If the government is worried that there would be a dearth of effectively bilingual citizens eventually, I think the continual ascendency of China and the natural "kiasuism" of Singaporeans would probably even things out in the end.

At any rate, I am glad that whatever the decision, that I am done with my formal education, and I do not have to be the unwilling receipient of all the various syllabus changes being rolled out. I do not know if they make any difference to the quality of students turned out, but I get the feeling that the fresh graduates who show up at my office seems to be equipped with less and less foundation knowledge as the years pass. The only thing they appear to excel in is finding information from the internet. It makes for some entertainment as I think up various ways to ask the question "You mean you never learnt that in school?"

DON'T ASK ME HOW I AM

I am tired of having to keep answering questions on my health.

I probably sound like an ungrateful bitch. I probably am an ungrateful bitch. I am very grateful to all the people who have been so concerned about me. But it gets tiring repeating the same things over and over again. Add to that the fact that I absolutely have no diagnosis on my problem(s) yet and I don't know what is going to happen next. "How are you now?" now heads my list of most dreaded questions.

I am also not sure that I actually care whether there is anything physically wrong with me. I am not sure if if I actually care about anything at this very moment. There is this sense of ennui intersperse with occasional bouts of panic that I am headed in a very wrong direction but I don't know how to pull myself back. I feel like I am just existing day to day in some kind of vaccuum. And the more I feel like this, the more I don't feel like interacting, or reaching out to people. It feels rather comfortable in this emotionless, isolated state, although those occasional sense of panic disturbs me. But it is easy enough to smother them and continue with status quo.

The thought has occurred to me that I am perhaps suffering from some form of depression or....something. I don't know. It is not that I feel sad, or desperate or keep having morbid, suicidal thoughts, or anything. I just don't care. And I don't want to talk. I don't know if seeing a shrink will change anything, seeing that I don't much believe in the institution of psychiatry. And I don't think I care for more medication. As a matter of fact, I had wondered if the cocktail of medicines I am taking currently is accounting for my current emotional state.

So I just have to wait for it to pass, I guess. I don't suppose I would come to any great harm in the meantime. I was told by the "prophet" from the "holy mountain" that my ba zhi (eight characters) indicate that I would have a relatively smooth and easy life, kind of a charmed life, if you will. I guess I would have to put my faith that he is right, and I would weather whatever I am currently going through perfectly fine.

In the meantime, please don't ask me how I am. Thank you so very much. :)

SCREWED UP FORMATTING

OK....I know I shouldn't have updated to Internet Explorer 8.

Now the formatting is all screwed up and I'm tearing pieces off my scalp....

Arrrgh.....

SIGNS OF LIFE

Finally….some signs of life….

I haven’t felt much like blogging recently. Oh, things do still pass through my head. I come across something interesting and I still think “Wow, I want to write about that.” My life is still moving on, but I get this incredible resistance when I think about sitting down in front of the computer, much less switch it on and blog about it.

In actual fact, I have rarely switched on my computer these few weeks. I got extremely grumpy the other day when I was forced to switch on my PC to check on some online application status for my mother. I have not updated some personal logs for weeks, and goodness only knows what is going on in Facebook and the various blogs I have been following, because I have not been updating.

I get these moods sometimes, where I simply feel like being out of touch with the world. During these periods, I am anti-communication technology. I hate to come into contact with computers, mobile phones etc, anything which has the ability to connect me to the world at large. Even the ringing of the house landline irritates the hell out of me. Basically, I check my emails and answer calls and reply SMSes about once in a blue moon during this time. It would have proven most inconvenient, if I hadn’t lost quite a few of my friends and acquaintances the last time the mood struck, so there are less people who I need to communicate with these days. Haha. In fact, most people around me are now aware of this quirk of mine and take it in their stride (with a few swear words) if they can’t get me.

I swear….it is almost exhilarating to go on a communication sabbatical once a while.

These moods normally coincide with my feeling extremely down. The typical “I don’t want to talk” moods that husbands sometimes subject wives to (haha), but this is between me and the whole world. So I mope around and brood, generally feeling unhappy. Been reading a lot to take my mind of things, but like all forms of escape, it works up to a point, and then we have got to sit up and face the world.

My unhappiness, of course, revolves mainly around the “work doldrums” that I have been in for close to year. A year! Have I really been down in the dumps for that long? When one gets to a certain age, the old adage no longer applies. Time passes quickly no matter if one is happy or not. And it doesn’t even feel like the unhappy times will be over all the quicker. It just feels like no matter how fast I run, it is still raining in front, and I will still get wet. So I will only get older faster…while feeling bad.

I have had so many discussions with myself, family, friends, colleagues on the whole “work doldrums” thing, trying to see what kind of changes I should and most importantly, can make to make myself feel better. The thought of feeling like this for the next forty years of my life, just horrifies me. I just cannot bear to think of it….hence all the escapism…but….I also cannot continue like this, so I must face the music and make a decision.

Nice thought.

But, I draw a blank.

Because I am a poor, greedy, lazy, cowardly and untalented peep, that’s why. I don’t like what I’m doing now, but at the same time, NO other options are acceptable because they all either require capital, special skills, risk taking, or all three, or will give me less money than I get now. I basically want to have my cake and to eat it too.

Heck, even a prostitute or rich man’s mistress has to have some face and figure and some schmooze ability. Oh yes, that option did come up.

I think I had the right of it in my profile description. I want all the time (and money) in the world to do nothing.

Oh, the truth hurts.

So after all the soul searching, there is still no conclusion.

And so I continue status quo. And hope and pray that any one or all of these happen in the near future:

1. Mum strikes lottery
2. Money drops from the sky
3. I meet a rich man who will take care of me and mine for the rest of my life
4. SB meets a rich man who will take care of her and hers (which means including me) for the rest of her (and my) life.

We all know the odds of the above happening.

But, darn it, a girl’s got to do something when she can’t do anything.

ADD ME! ADD ME!

I am starting to get "Add as friend" requests on Facebook from people I don't know and don't remember.

I find myself going "Huh?" regularly these days.

Is it too much to expect that I have to at least have had a real life conversation consisting of more than "Hi" and "Bye" before I actually consider a person as a friend? Half the time, I don't even remember going through the "Hi" and "Bye" process with some of the people who have added me recently. Hell, in the real world, these people can't even be considered as plain aquaintances.

Being a friend of my friend, does not automatically make you mine, despite what the six-degree theory says. Worse, some of these people may be a friend of another "Huh?" non-friend.

Sometimes, I get the imagery of that man-eating plant from the "Little Shop of Horrors" in my head, only instead of saying "feed me", it's refrain is "Add me, JT, Add me...". Shudder.

But sucker for proper online etiquette that I am, I can't make myself just select ignore. And I hate to send messages back asking these people to remind me exactly how I know them, because it sounds so rude. So I have all these friends requests sitting in my notification area, and not knowing what to do with them. Sometimes, I end up adding out of the desperate need to clear my notification area.

I think Facebook should have another option added for the proper verification of the existence of friendship between the "adder" and the "addee". The "adder" needs to contribute $50 real money to the "addee's" account if the "adding process" is to go through. I am fully prepared to waive the real life "Hi" and "Bye" process for that. If you top that up to $100, I'll even say "Hi" first - virtually of course. Real life "Hi's" cost $200 and up. Real friendship is priceless, for everything else, there's Mastercard.