PRE-ANNIVERSARY THOUGHTS

I will be 32 in about two week’s time.

I remember the feeling of excitement and new hope as I approached my 30th. It was the same year that I lost the many kilograms that had weighed me down physically and mentally, the year that I felt reborn and thought that the things which I had missed out on in my teens and twenties would finally come to me. I remember the bewilderment and panic of my 31st year, when changes did occur but somehow things did not turn out the way I had envisioned.

I approach this 32nd anniversary of my birth with none of those feelings which plagued me before. It is like I have stopped looking through glasses, both rose and blue coloured. My prince may not come. That is fine. With all the news of men and their marital affairs abounding, both public persons and people in my immediate circle of aquaintances, I am not really sure if romantic relationships and marriage are too much overrated anyway.

I am not sure whether to call it cynicism or jadedness, or is it simply acceptance of reality. I do not like either, the former reeks of bitterness while the latter is imbued with a sense resignation, neither which I particularly feel now. It is something else that I cannot put a word to.

There is this sense of peace and internalisation of the way things are in my life right now, and the way things will be thereafter. And even if there will not be the delirious highs of happiness, there is at least contentment. And contentment is, after all, all that I really wanted out of this life.

I will probably feel differently on my 33rd, 34th, 35th……and every year thereafter that pass. Female hormones will probably make sure of that. It will keep life interesting for me and the people around me, I guess. But for now, I think it is ok if I stop thinking further and enjoy whatever contentment is offered.

On a more cheerful note, I decided to get myself a really expensive present this birthday, seeing that my bonus is coming in at about the same time. I am always spending money on me, of course, but I can’t remember when I actually got myself a birthday present. Someone up there likes me, I think, because I didn’t even have to search for ideas.

A really nice messenger bag from stash, an Etsy shop first discovered by SB.

Or, a Sparrow Pendant from Swarovski…..

Now I never like to buy stuff that smacks of the Hollywood brand of commercialism, but this Alice in Wonderland replica just hit all the right spots. Yeah, beats me too.

I couldn’t really decide between the two, so I decided I will be getting both. The moolah is available, and I should really enjoy some of it while I am still young (comparatively) and pretty (very, very, very relatively).

Going shopping….