The heart wants what it wants.
I can try to fool myself into thinking that I'm only playing. No, I'm not serious. It's all just for fun.
But when the truth is revealed, the disappointment is so crushing. And I know I have only myself to blame for being delusional in the first place.
How many times can I go through this? My confidence is erroded, I have no sense of self-worth left.
Yes I know it is not personal. How could it be? You didn't even know. None of you even guessed. And that's what makes it all worse. At least I end up with a little bit more if it WAS personal.
I want my heart to go to sleep. To cease feeling.
I want to remain untouched.
Until the real thing comes.
Please.
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