ADRENALINE RUSH

The stitches are off, and the surgical wound is clear. Finally able to continue the lifting at the gym properly. Did all my lifts as heavy as I could go today, except for the dead, cos the heaviest available weights left were the 8 kg dumbells. Felt the adrenaline rush....woah! I'm still high....

Still trying to find a gym where I can do my stuff in my own sweet time without those macho men sneaking frowning glances at me while I do my stuff, wondering when I would finish and let them have the bench for the macho stuff. The only benefit to this is that I keep going from set to set without rest in order to shorten my workout, which is good for the intensity of course, but stresses me out mentally. Of course, I could just pretend that they are checking out my almost non-existent cleavage, and carry on, but the honest side of me would not allow my narcissistic side to triumph.

The new year seemed to have creeped in rather than entered with a bang like past years. No one around me seemed excited at the prospect of a new beginning. Maybe it is all the bad financial news going round, maybe people around me are just generally old and getting older. The new year seems like such an anti climax.

I personally have mixed feelings regarding 2009. It is a new beginning, a clean slate for me to draw whatever nice pictures I had intended and never did for the past years. Yet, the specter of getting older, of time running out also hounds me and nips at my feet. I am getting panicky, feeling that there isn't time to do and enjoy all the things I want to. I feel like I am racing against time, and yet when I really sit down and think about what I want to accomplish within this limited time, I come up with....nothing. So I'm confused....and so I....escape...again.

.....Houdini at work.