WAITING

If there is anything I hate more than waiting, I have not discovered it yet.

Nov 4th seems very far away as I make my way through the antibiotics, and foul tasting Chinese medicine. And especially so when I think I already have my diagnosis. I don't feel if these two weeks are going to make much of a difference to my status. The tumor is not going to miraculously disappear. And my second opinion doctor and the TCM specialist apparently thinks so too, though they did not couch it in such brutal terms. So I just wish we could move the dates up and get it over and done with, chop-chop.

We are in a bit of a quandary regarding doctors. I am definitely ditching the doctor they will assign to me under the hospital's subsidised care scheme. No offense to the doctor (whoever he/she is), but it seems that even in healthcare, you get what you pay for. So we decided to go private. However, the private doctor who gave us my second opinion has declined to take on my case, and has referred me to another doctor. I have not seen this third doctor yet, but I have been given to understand that he is very experienced and in high demand. In addition, he also holds an extremely senior position at two hospitals. Now we are starting to worry that he will be too busy to devote much time to my care, me being no biggie in particular.

So after Nov 4th, I have to wait another two weeks to see Doctor No. 3 and if he turns out unsatisfactory, we may have to look for Doctor No. 4 etc etc. And I will have to wait and wait to go under the knife. Oh, the waiting sucks.

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I feel rather like shit these few days, probably because what I put in my mouth also taste like it. For all the advancement made in traditional chinese medicine, they never did find a way to make their herbal concoctions look and taste more appetizing. My life revolves around the two times a day I have to take the concoctions. It seems like I am already dreading my next bout before I have even swallowed this one. I don't know if this is a good thing, but the Chinese medicine has caused me to lose my appetite somewhat. For someone who loves to eat, it is certainly a new experience to need my mother to crack her brains to think of novel ways to tempt my appetite.

I also feel the occasional urge to brain my father, who has totally taken this organic produce thing too far. We have "JT's grapes" and "Daddy's grapes" in the fridge, "JT's veges" and "Daddy's veges" on the table. Mine are all organic, Dad's not - therein lies the difference. I have no idea why we can't all take organic produce together.

The only time I feel good is when I see a fast-food advertisement on TV. What won't I give for a nice juicy Mushroom Swiss burger now?